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April 23 耶！！！要搬家咯！！！ yeah! I am moving into my new apt. this Saturday!
我不再是无家可归的孩子了 ，
我家住在 XX路xxx住宅区 X X 栋 xx 楼 XX室！
欢迎来我家做客 ：》 March 20 "一锅汤" 中午去食堂打饭，看到告示板上写着：晚上有食堂大厨精心准备的豆腐羹，请同学买饭打汤。
5点多，我拿了两个饭盒，一个打炒粉丝，一个准备用来打汤。正在我打开饭盒盖准备打汤时，站在锅边的老大爷用莫名不满的眼神看着我，说：“你没打饭，不可以打这汤。”
我恼了，二话不说，拿起了汤勺，难不成你还拦我？切~还真没想到，那大爷还真来劲了，拦着我不让我打拿口汤。不看在他是大爷的份上，我早就把他骂得狗血淋头了，我尽量心平气和地说，我是这个学校的学生，我到食堂来就算不打饭，也没有说连喝口汤的权利都没有吧，说好听点，是锅汤，实在点，不就是锅水吗？里面就加了几块小得可怜的豆腐，和了淀粉还那么稀。国家补贴食堂的钱干什么用去了？
最后那句话让他哑口无言，这是什么社会？连喝口汤都受限制，我就不信，如果国家主席来了，他还敢拦着，还不赶快屁颠屁颠笑着，抢着给主席舀汤？
气愤......... February 13 情人节两小时的big fight and bad mood When I am going to cheer me up a little bit by listening music,the earphone is just dead! Damn!Why this has to happen to me?I am destined to be miserbale and not allowed to listen to some music to make me feel better? There is one thing I really cant understand.Why cant I get along well with my "dear" mum?I mean I stayed in her stomach for almost ten months,and I was made of her,my blood and everything.How could her not like me?We know very clearly we love each other and care about each other.But what made us fight nonstop and kept hurting both?Why cant I be her proud,she never felt proud of me!In her eyes,I am a bad girl and a bad daughter,plus a lazy head!!!I have already made my efforts to be a good(not just good,you know what I mean)girl,though it's not 100percent efforts.I am just a kid and I am young,I have to spare time to do other things I like but not just reading,be a "good student".I gave up alot things that I am dying to do for the boring accounting.I don't want to make my life for anyone,even not for my mum,but just for me!This is the reason I came in to this world,I want to used my own eyes to look up the beautiful sun and the dark sky,I want to use my own hands to pick the roses with throns,I want to use my own feet to jump over the high barrie.I want to experience the life which is belong to me. I learned the lessons from you,so now just let me go and fly.I don't need your mean attitude.Stop blaming me anymore,that's enough,and I cant take it anymore. I need to go along myslef and finish my own life.So,please,let's be a good mum and good daughter. December 07 井底之蛙 发现自己好久没有安安静静地坐着写点东西了，每次要不是写了个标题就直接把网页关了，要不然就是写了一小段就毫不留情地给抹了。
心，总是不安份，总有那么些说不来的东西在蠢蠢欲动，烦燥...... 在网上闲逛了一下午，心血来潮打开了一个网络名人的MSN空间，还是一年前看过他的空间，想不到在一年后的今天，他人气还是那么旺。各地的黑白，彩色照片，人物或是风景，都让人内心感觉静谧，似乎血液和呼吸在某一秒停止了，耳边没有了喧哗，只有从某张黑白照中传来的风声，还有海边的浪和拂面而过的午后阳光。读着他的故事，总觉得他的生活很精彩，光看他的照片，毫无疑问，几乎每个人都会羡慕他的生活，我们似乎是井底之蛙，只能享有头顶那片井口大小的天空，有些人随遇而安，乐于其中;有些人沾沾自喜，以为自己头顶的那片天就是全世界;还有些人你争我夺地奋力要跳出这口井，寻找更广阔的天空，疏不知井外还有一口井。 我是这三种蛙的其种一种，只是有时会互换角色，最重要的是我知道我们每个人都是井底之蛙，无论是他，你，还是我，无一例外。广阔的天空都是相对而言的，就像真理一样，这世上没有绝对的真理，真理也是相对而言。所以，对于我所看到的，我所听到的，我所感知到的，我都抱着怀疑的态度，表面上接受，其实内心作着痛苦的挣扎，我甚至自我否定我现在所写的和我所想的，我是虚拟的，像电脑里的程序一样，为了某一程序存在而被虚拟存在的。 有时思维的无限拓展，会把你狠狠地抛进深不见底的黑洞里，让你觉得不知所措，茫然和肆无即惮蔓延的恐惧，你会突然意识到我们是那么的渺小，快乐，悲伤，愤怒，恐怯，一切的一切，甚至是你的存在和消失，无论以什么形式，渺小的连颗沙都不如，所以井外那只蛙会嘲笑奋力往外跳的那只蛙，而这只正在嘲笑井底之蛙的蛙也正在被另一只井外（井底）之蛙嘲笑着。 有些看穿的也许会乖乖地待在井底自生自灭，但我这只小贱蛙还是要竭力往外爬，我知道我永远都突破不了那口井，爬了一个又一个，因为我不想只是“自生自灭”。 October 22 Find my confidence in dancing好久没有跳舞了，下午一个朋友打电话给我问我下午做什么，我说下午我要去上舞蹈课。对方很诧异，觉得我“一把年纪”了，还去学跳舞，我当时就talk back,我才20哎，20很老吗？ Dormmate斐说，现在是90年代孩子的天下了，我们这些80年代的已经被淘汰了。我站在镜子面前，照了照，“我们都老了吗？”
我们都还是孩子呢！我鼓足了勇气，换上了宽松的牛仔裤，穿上了black top，站在排练房的镜子前，跟着音乐，跳得大汗淋漓。
I find my confidence again. September 22 悲剧每天都在上演 人生真是一场戏,喜怒哀乐,悲喜交加.从摇篮到坟墓,自然,意外,都是一念之间的事.
早晨收到一个好朋友的信息,说她的一个好朋友的男朋友最近突然意外去世了.短信中,那个女孩伤心至极,眼睛都哭肿了,而我的朋友也陪着她哭,一样悲痛.这样的事实真的很难让人接受,自己爱的人也许前一分钟还在你的面前,面对面的和你在聊天,但后一分钟却离开了你,永远地离开了你.我是一个很感性的人,收到这样的信息,如同晴天霹雳,虽然不是我的朋友,我一样为她感到难过.
如果死亡像家常便饭,人还会觉得痛苦吗?还是会习以为常,变得麻木?就像有些地方,在人死后要举行一种仪式,请个人来带哭.我在想从事带哭的人,当他或她的亲人离他而去事,他还会落泪吗?或者这样的泪水还包含着悲伤和痛苦吗? September 15 必经的痛苦 我喜欢坐巴士,或者傻傻的坐在麦当劳里靠窗的椅子上，看着街上的人来人往,想象着发生在他们身边的事.不是我特意要去想，而是不自然的,就会有很多联想.
打开MSN,看到朋友空间有更新,就会打开看看,听听他们的故事,分享一下快乐和悲哀.刚看了一个朋友的日志,关于亲人的葬礼.亲人的离去,生老或是病死,都是无法阻挡的.很多事情你能预料但却无法改变.人生有太多必经的痛苦,有些是我们不想去经历的但自己有深知我们必须承受,这种无奈,谁也无法改变. August 28 I am back in Wuxi 这次旅行的头和尾really sucks,但中间那部分真的很精彩.
我发现当一个人去一些陌生的地方,人会变得有些疯狂.我就是这种类型.我租了单车,象个野孩子一样,屁股撅得高高的,在乡间的小石泥路上飞驰;我站在竹筏上,看着清澈见底的漓江,情不自禁地跳了下去(我根本就不会游泳),象个旱鸭子一样在水里扑腾;去龙盛,我爬上了高高的梯田,站在窄窄的泥道上,从梯田上摔了下来,我的ASS很疼;从龙盛回阳朔的路上,我又一次被美丽清澈的湖水迷住了,忍不住脱了鞋,钻进清凉的湖水中.桥上的外国朋友纷纷拿出相机给我拍照,觉得我很cool.全身湿透了,我把长裤拖了,一个以色列男孩把他的t shirt借我做了一条迷你裙,布料实在有限,我无奈只能拿枕头挡着,这个狼狈的样子可以在我的相册里看到.
现在外面下起了雨,每次下雨,我的情绪就变得很微妙,很难用文字来表达.我就是喜欢雨,喜欢听那淅沥淅沥的声音,喜欢雨天那样安静的夜...
晚安,sweet dreams,mys mys~ August 17 我的terrible and wonderful trip 不知道为什么，每次旅行我都不会有good luck，和JOSH去杭州旅行，我puke.去安徽，一路上，我的胃不舒服。去singapore,我错过了我的航班。这次也一样，没有什么好运，I missed my train.不是因为traffic jam,而是因为我去错了火车站。一直不知道，上海有两个火车站，我的火车恰恰是在那个我从来不知道也从来没有去过的“上海南站”。I was so pissed off and depressed当检票员无情地告诉我：小姐，你走错火车站了。。。。。
困了，明天待续。
Ｐs:这里的青年旅舍很不错 July 28 Singapore----first day Yesterday was so bad,I missed my flight.In fact I knew that would happen,because I saw a spider in the early morning before I left for singapore.We Chinese people think if people see a spider in the day time,that will bring you bad luck.You see,that happend.What was worse was that I had to pay six hundred more for the flight in the afternoon,it caused my another problem--I hadn't taken so much cash with me and there was little money left in my bank card.So at last I called my dear Zhenzhu(pearl,it also means the real pig in Chinese)and asked him to remit some money into my account.
And it was a long fly,I stayed in air almost for five hours.Before the plane landed,I had a serious headache and it made me feel my head would explode in a minute,and my ears also hurt.That was so bad.Luckily,there was no bad things keeping on happening when I arrived the airport.At last,I met Uncle Guo without a hitch.Then he drove me home.
His house is so nice,it's fabulous!!!!!!!Beautiful garden,cute rabbit,a cool cat(he is from the neighbour,according to what the maid Sunny said,he drops by here very day).He is really cool,always sit still on the washing machine,looks so prond and aloof.When I took photos of him,he was a good model.I will put some photos of this trip into the album.
This morning,I got up at about 7:30,then had a western breakfast with Uncle Guo.Then his wife Aunite Sarah guided me to some places which are very near their houses.I love walking on those serene road which has green trees along both sides.The national day of Singapore is coming soon,so almost each apt hangs their country flag on the wall.Today is rainy,so they just drove me to preview the whole city.Everything here semms so new,fresh.New buildings,new cars,new motocycles,fresh air,clearn river,green and huge tropic trees,fabulous houses,everthing is so nice.Here you cant see old things,old cars?No.Old buildings?No,everthing here is so new,their government is very responsible.I admire their government very much,they do serve people here and did and are doing alot of distributes to Singapore.They repaint the apts every five years,and do that to cars too.They do a good job to maintain everthing looks good and new here.So what amazed me was that I never see a old or scrathced cars on the way,you even cant find any dust on the cars,and their tires are also clearn.I cant stop taking photos,but today the weather is not so good,I may go out and take good photos tomorrow when it's sunny.
I had a really good day today,and I cant wait to take photos tomorrow using my two cameras and upload it to my album!
Feeling a little bit tired,so goodnight,and sweet dreams! Mys mys~ July 10 LONELY AGAIN Just feel lonely,I can't help,and can't hold back my tears.
What do I want?
I ask me again and again and my tears still keep on sliding on my cheek.
I am a homeless girl.Is there anyone can stay with me forever? July 04 July 3 July3 1987 was the day when I came into this crazy world.
Waw~ how time flies,see,I am 20 years old now.The little kids can call me auntie now!!!!
The school gave me a really nice present 4 my 20 years old birthday------Three exams,two in the morning ,and one in the afternoon.
What made me happy and surpirse was that there were still some friends can remember my birthday and sent me messages saying happy birthday 2 me,even some of who r not my close friends,actually I can say strangers.U will feel very warm and fragrant when there is still one person can remember your birthday and say happy birthday 2 u every year.Now,I just want 2 say thank u ,friends and strangers.
I met my retarded panda,he's so cute,always like a little boy.when I opened his bedroom door,I smelt that amazing fragrance,beautful lilys in his bed.I know that's for me.lovely flowers.
Do u know what does lily mean?
That means "Dare u love me?"
Though there was 2 much special things happened yesterday,I was still happy.Happy birthday,Lulu!!!!
June 15 Put on some weight and be myself 我要增肥!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
现在这个时代也许是以"瘦"为美,当你骨瘦如柴时,人家可能会夸你骨感美,所以减肥的队伍是越来越浩荡了.电视里的减肥产品广告播得红红火火,什么九块九,服用一个礼拜立即见效,抽脂啊,减肥贴啊...女人用尽心思,花尽钱财,就是为了能让身体里的脂肪都消失,做个苗条骨感美女.
很多时候,我觉得有一部分女性活着是为了取悦于男人,减肥,隆胸,整容,疯狂购物买闪亮的High heels,sexy内衣...所做的一切似乎只是为了听到男人的夸赞,成为男人眼中的焦点.
每个人都有虚荣心，我也有,只是我偏向于做最本真的自己,男人喜欢tight tops,high heels,shinning earring,short pants,所以女人就迎合男人这样穿,无非就是想听到他说:你很性感.是不是女孩到一定的年龄都会想变得性感些,因为我最近爱上了高跟鞋...but I just want 2 be myself,when I wanna wear it,I wear it.When someone says,waw~she is sexy,I will say,fine,yes,she is.
I dont need 2 be that sexy,that sweet,that beautiful....I just wanna be myself,that's it!!! So,我要增肥!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! June 11 oh yeah!!!! Oh yeah!!!! 今天终于考完了ACCA1.3最令我头疼的一个course.虽然还不知道考试的结果,但是心里确实轻松了许多,从考完的那一刻,我可以重拾旧爱了,学习摄影,看看美丽英语杂志,拜读各国内国外古典名著,学习小提琴,weekend抽空去学JAZZ,平时写写东西,在家煮煮菜,Sunday去澳大利亚PUB和Bradon排乐队.....恩~~太幸福了!!!!!!!
June 04 ACCA international exam This afternoon,I am going 2 have the 2.1course of the ACCA internatioanl exam.That's about the Information system,em...I hate it!!!I don't think I am cut for learning accounting,this is the last what I want 2 learn.A lot of people asked me now that I hated it,why I still chose 2 learn it?Well,this is very complex and it's hard 4 me to answer this question.If u were born in China,maybe u will know the answer...
Anyway,I hope the marker can be nice and kind 2 me,let me pass the the damn exam!!!!
May 30 U deserve that and should be responsible for what u did 2 the earth!!!! The whole city is filled with the disgusting smell.All the people complained"that's 2 stinking!!! What shall we do?"
The Tai lake is severely polluted,it's so ridiclous,we have 2 use the pure drinking water 4 the daily washing.And most of supermarkets here are out of store of pure water.So ,let me ask u,what would u do?Who brings the evil consequence?
This had never happened before,but now it happens.Who should be responsible 4 that stinking water which smells as shit???? We human being should be responsible 4 that.We made a huge & unforgivable mistake,now have we realised that?
This is the planet where we live,this is a home that is owned by every human being,and this used 2 be happy land we have 2 keep 4 our descends.We should take care of it & pretect it,using our hearts 2 love it.
Stop doing these stupid things 2 hurt it again & again,if we still ignore it and keep on being selfish,the doomsday is coming soon.
That's so pathetic but u deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! February 01 record... 昨天下午5点整,我在路边拦了taxi准备去客运中心搭长途客车回家.她的背影渐渐远去...
眼泪忍不住沿着脸颊流下来,我把脸瞥向了窗的一边,我知道司机在看我.
我背着沉重的背包上了车,心象被压了座大山一样,不重,但是很沉.我躺在窄小的卧铺上,很不舒服.我睡了会...没睡着...醒着...
十点多,我还是醒着,车里一片漆黑,时不时传来此起彼伏的打鼾声.我看着他们睡着的样子,是不是人死的时候就是这样的呢?在我下侧铺的宝宝躺在妈妈的怀里睡得很香甜,偶尔嘟一下小嘴,可爱极了.我反反复复地把窗帘拉开,拉拢,天空中的月亮很亮.公路边的大山让我有种莫名的孤独感.路过一片大面积的似液体的地方,外面有些雾气,我侧着身体,腿太长,只能撑着s形把脸贴在窗口看着外面的夜景.我想那应该是一片大湖或者江水之类的.我对水总有些惧怕.虽然站在大海面前会心旷神怡,但总会觉得自己很渺小,生命很脆弱,尤其在海中央的时候,这种感觉特别强烈.
我实在睡不着,努力了好多次，发了信息给猪,他还在工作,呵呵,真是个勤奋的猪,值得夸奖...
翻来覆去,十个小时后,终于到了,我迫不及待地下了车,因为想赶快回家冲个澡躺在舒服的床上好好睡一觉.这里和福建的温差真的很大,外面很冷,我把自己抱得紧紧的,太阳慢慢出来了,街上,有上学的,有去工作的,有卖早点的,自行车,电动车,汽车,很忙碌...
十 一点半的闹铃把我闹醒了,我实在不想起,但是外面阳光好得不行,我起了床,带上我的相机出去拍些照.我觉得我还是比较会享受生活的女孩,阳光灿烂的日子,我喜欢坐在学校北区的秋千上,听着ipod,手里拿本书,懒懒地晒会儿太阳.雨天,撑把伞去外面走走,呼吸着清新的空气,听着雨声的淅沥,我已经觉得好幸福.虽然常常一个人...但也很不错.
晚上5点,"小朋友"打我电话想约我吃饭,我一口答应,因为肚子很饿.我准备好了一百元本来想请他的,因为他年纪比我小,虽然小不了多少,也就几个月而已,但是我把他当作弟弟一样,其实我自己也很小,但在他面前我很自然地表现出一副姐姐的样子,呵呵,其实有时候我觉得自己也挺好笑的.我觉得他一点都没长大,或者说他习惯在我面前装嫩...希望他能早些找到一个真正适合他的女孩.他是一个好孩子.
又一次情不自禁地听了宇多田光的first love,我再也不会象以前那么难过,也许我真的成熟了，长大了,美好的记忆就让它存放在美妙的旋律里吧...
January 30 If only U know what,I am 20years old now.What the people treat me like,a girl?a yong lady?a woman?
I am curious about that.
I felt I look like a child before,but now,it changes.Yes,I have grew up.
If only, I wanna get back to my childwood,or just go back to my mum's stomach !
If only, I may have the sex with my first love.But I know ,I can't make it.But now,it's hard to say. I don't know
If only,I want leave here for a completely new and fresh city.
If only,I just wanna stay with one man forever,hug me tight.Now matter how many times he accompanies me to see ,no matter how many chocolates he buys to me ,no matter how many times he says he misses and loves me a day.
What I care is that I hope he can enjoy every moment being with me.
I wanna hear;"hey,u are a good girl" from my mother,but it's really difficult.We are going farther and farther from each other.
I still love her,my mother.Though she hurts me unconciously all the time.
I wanna be learned and understoond by someone,don't wanna be left alone. U can't feel my cold cold heart...
If only, I just wanna be a happy girl... January 28 她不懂，还是不懂 她说：“你弹琴很好听，很有感觉，为什么总是面无表情，你看电视里人家朗朗多有激情。”
我不太想搭理她，我的情绪还没有好起来，和她见了面总免不了争吵。我停下来，“你听我弹琴，就象了解我的人一样，你只看到了表面的东西，却感受不到我的内心，其实你一点都不了解我。”
她确实不了解我，昨晚我很伤心，躲在厕所哭了一个小时。我可以被她抚养，可以被她教育，但是我绝不接受被任何人控制，即使是她，她只有引导我的权利，但是不能来操控我，完完全全按照她的想法她的价值观来规划我的人生。我心里很明白她爱我，只是我不需要这样的爱，这样的爱让我觉得很累，很孤独，很有压力，喘不过气。在她眼里，我永远是不完美的，总是这里不好，那里不好，我要怎么做才是她眼里的乖女儿呢？有时，我觉得她很自私，其实她只是想在我身上重新塑造一个新的她，她想在我身上实现她不曾实现的。其实我能理解她，但是我受不了这样的状态，我有我的思维，我的人生价值观，我有自己的个性，我想在她的指引下去走自己的路。有些东西是需要我亲身去经历的。。。
我还是忍住了一些话，不想去伤害她，她从不知道我需要的是什么，有时候我很想开口告诉她，但我知道有些东西她能给我的但有些东西是我永远都得不到，永远都无法弥补的。
我的要求很简单，她不懂，还是不懂，我真的好希望她能懂我，我想幸福。
ps:今天一打开空间，就看到朋友的留言，我心里觉得很欣慰，因为在世界的某个角落，总有些人在分享我的喜怒哀乐。无论是陌生的还是身边的朋友，我都想对你们说声谢谢，你们也是我幸福和快乐的源泉。 January 24 会老友---谈了恋爱,难保处女贞洁 今天天气不错,早晨我冲了燥,打扫了房间,刷了盘子,喝了咖啡...
发了信息给心心,想见她一面,因为明天我就要去福建看我妈妈了.我们去了老地方,我习惯性地坐在了窗口等她.她越来越漂亮了,真是女大十八变,前年暑假的瘦身很成功,改头换面,变成了个美女.
她很可爱,很懂事...
"心心,你说是不是每对恋人都会发生性关系啊?"
"废话,当然啦,谈了恋爱,你别想再做处女了!"
我笑得不行,说她好可爱.
"现实是这样嘛,男人想和你谈恋爱,最终就是想和你那个..."
接着,她和我讲了一个三十多岁的老处女的故事,听了以后，觉得女人有时候很愚蠢.
女人对性应该把握怎样的尺度呢?如果在天平的两边同时放上肉体与精神,重量会偏向哪边呢?男人与女人的选择是否会不同?
恩....我还不是女人,所以也很迷惑,不过我还是想停留在做女孩的快乐之中.
Life is too short ,so if u love him or her,just go for it! |
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